first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
