so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
