There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
