Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
