please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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