worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
