so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize