Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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