SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
