guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
