if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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