wat bout pragnant strippers??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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