Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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