Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
