He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
