there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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