Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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