do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
