i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.