i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.