Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
