Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks