I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.