Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.