I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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