dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
