Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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