We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
