So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
