In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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