I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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