watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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