Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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