i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
and you fell through a lawn chair
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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