It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
