i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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