so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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