I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i think my cat just said my name.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
