He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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