i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
send nudes
from the living room?
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