There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
