My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
