Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
