Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
