Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize