So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
