She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
