NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm like, not good at living.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
