yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
