Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
