I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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