I molested 6 butterflies tonight
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize