90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
