he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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