I bet he comes in French.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
