do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
