Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
