Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
