the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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