That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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