i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
