spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
