Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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