a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My breasts were aching with rage.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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