He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
