hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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