Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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