I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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