I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
