You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
